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Funny Quotes & Sayings
For everyone who has ever had an evaluation
- just remember, it could have been worse. These are
reportedly actual quotes taken from
government employee performance
evaluations:
1. "Since my last report, this employee has
reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to
breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a
has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant
supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that
it is only to change feet."
6. "This young lady has delusions of
adequacy."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then
consistently fails to achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village
somewhere of an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far, and the
sooner he starts the
better."
10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the
plastic thingy to hold it
all together."
11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse
than an ordinary
ignoramus."
12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a
carrier."
13. "I would like to go hunting with him
sometime."
14. "He's been working with glue too
much."
15. "He would argue with a signpost."
16. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he
leaves the room."
17. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should
sell."
18. "If you see two people talking and one
looks bored, he's
the other one."
19. "A photographic memory but with the lens
cover glued on."
20. "A prime candidate for natural
de-selection."
21. "Donated his brain to science before he
was done using it."
22. "Gates are down, the lights are
flashing, but the train
isn't coming."
23. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost
and the other is
out looking for it."
24. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have
to be watered twice
a week."
25. "If you give him a penny for his
thoughts, you'd get change."
26. "If you stand close enough to him, you
can hear the ocean."
27. "It's hard to believe he beat out
1,000,000 other sperm."
28. "One neuron short of a synapse."
29. "Some drink from the fountain of
knowledge; he only gargled."
30. "Takes him 2 hours to watch
60-minutes."
31. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster
is dead. |
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